Monday, June 1, 2015

Overcoming My Insecurities

    Insecurities... we all have them but why?  I believe we have them for two reasons. The first reason the one that is the most in your face is the media and what we see everyday but that’s not what I’m going to talk about today. I’m going to tell you about a couple of my insecurities and how I overcame them.

    When you think of family you imagine this wonderful close knit support system that is there to lift you up in your time of need and makes you feel good about yourself. That may be true for some but that's not the family I grew up with. 

    You see I grew up with my mom's side of the family. My father past away before I was born and I never met his family until I became an adult. My maternal grandmother is black,  my grandfather is black and German. He is extremely tall  (6'9), fair skin, green eyes and blonde hair. My mother and 6 aunts and uncles took after him with the very light skin and beautiful fair textured hair.

    I grew up being the darkest person in the family and hair that wasn't "good" by anyone's standards. When my mom wasn't around my aunt's and uncles made fun of me to no end. I was told I was adopted and didn't belong there. I was adopted and that's why I was dark skinned and didn't have good hair.

    My mother and I moved away from New York but my insecurities came with me. Everywhere I went I compared myself to other girls. I looked at their hair and their skin. I envied the light skinned girls. Growing up all of my best friends prior to high school had light skin and soft bouncy curls. I felt like there was no hope and I was destined to be the ugly side kick.

    In high school everything changed. Boys started to notice me and tell me I was pretty. Strangers would stop me at work to compliment me. I even had a boyfriend I really liked that couldn't keep his hands out of my hair. But why was all this happening. Sure my hair was relaxed so that explained the hair but I was still the girl with chocolate colored skin but people thought I was pretty. Surly they were just trying to take pity on me.

    For years I questioned what beauty was. I was obsessed with it. I wondered why I was able to find beauty in everyone everywhere but I was taught dark skin was not beautiful. I felt a sense of pride the first time I saw other dark girls like Naomi Campbell on TV. Here she was dark but she was also a supermodel.

    As I got older and got into the beauty industry I met a lot of women. They came in different shapes,  sizes, colors and they each had their own batch of insecurities but they were all beautiful in their own right.

    It was soon after that I came to realize my family was wrong and at the time were just being mean and teasing me not knowing the impact their words had on such a young impressionable girl.

    Beauty isn't about the color of your skin or the grade of hair you have. Diversity is what makes us beautiful. Our differences are what help us stand out from the crowd.

    We can’t let others dictate how we feel about ourselves or how we see other people. We can’t let people fill our minds with insecurities. We’re already hard enough on ourselves without the toxic thoughts of others.

    Take a look at what makes you feel insecure and think about why that insecurity is there. For me it was my dark skin and kinky curly hair. For you it may be something else. Take what ever it is that you are insecure about and turn it into something positive. Remember that what makes you different is also what makes you unique and beautiful.


  1. You're gorgeous lady! Inside and out:) thanks for sharing this post.

  2. I have always been thin, shaped like a 2x4 thin and all my friends had boobs and butts and curves. I felt like a 12 year old boy...UGH Now I don't give a shit and I am happy with me. I'll still rock a bikini and enjoy myself!

  3. Your so pretty and such a sweetie. I would of never imaged that you overcame those kind of insecurities. Someone could be the most beautiful but, if they aren't nice it shows. In the end it's about being yourself and loving yourself and others. ;)

  4. You are beautiful inside and out!! I am so sorry to hear what you were up against as a child.. it is so sad that family would treat you that way!

  5. "Diversity is what makes us beautiful." <--- Yes! I can't believe your family would say those things to you, that's just horrible. I'm glad you were able to overcome all of those negative messages. You are incredibly beautiful; I wish someone was telling you that when you were younger.

  6. I love this comment, "We can’t let others dictate how we feel about ourselves or how we see other people." I had major insecurities growing up especially in high school. Teenage girls can be very cruel. It wasn't until after I graduated and my now husband, then boyfriend started complimenting me and encouraging me to smile more. I had braces for many years as well and hated to smile. Which is so sad. He helped me come over my insecurities by letting me see me through his eyes. I started to love myself more and not hate myself.

    Of course it took a long time to wipe away the negative. Now that I have beautiful little girls in my life, I try to compliment them and help them love themselves. What your family did was wrong and mean. I am glad to see you had a similar path, finding people who showed you just how beautiful you were and wiped away the negative.

    Great post and definitely needed to be said! I am sharing!


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